I walked as a ZOMBIE!

A couple of years ago I had the pleasure of being a zombie in a movie called Dead Men Walking. That's me in the photo with the watch on. A zombie's got to know what time it is, right? Brain-eating time! I even made it on to the back of the DVD case. See you at Blockbuster!

Anyway, the movie is set in a prison that gets infected by some sort of virus that makes the prisoners want to eat people. You know, a tale as old as time. This was shot in an actual abandoned prison and because the producers wanted to get the most bang for their buck, they were shooting a second movie at the same time with a different crew, but some of the same cast. I'm not sure what became of that movie, but there was definitely a dude getting into a werewolf getup while I was being zombified. At least I think he was a werewolf. *Turns out this movie was Shapeshifter. Thanks to Eric Spudic for identifying this flick!

Upon arrival, I was immediately shuffled into wardrobe and given green scrubs that didn't fit. No problem. A zombie doesn't care if it's wearing flattering clothes, right? Unless that zombie was, like, a fashion designer or model before they got turned into a zombie...but I digress.

On to makeup! This was actually pretty cool, until they started putting fake pus and blood in my ears. Normally, I wouldn't mind that, but then it started dripping out of my ears, then trickling down my neck and is SUPER sticky and just generally uncomfortable. Plus, it was hot as hell, so it was like pouring pancake syrup all over yourself then sitting around and sweating. Actually, since most fake blood is Karo syrup with red food coloring in it, it's EXACTLY like pouring syrup all over yourself. Ick.

Off to set! The production folks had done an awesome job of decorating this prison because there was blood and fake limbs everywhere. It was actually really spooky. A special effects dude gave us zombies a little squirt of blood to keep in our mouths. Mmm, okay. Then, on action, we were to barf it up and try to attack this cop that's on the other side of some thick prison bars. We had about two seconds to process that before...

ACTION! So we all barfed up our blood (most of which went onto our faces or joined the stickiness already coagulating elsewhere) and jumped up on these bars until they told us to stop, while the actor playing the cop pretended to shoot us with a fake shotgun. It felt like it went on for about 20 straight minutes, but was probably more like two.

Then, it was on to eating guts! Finally! This sounds like it would be cool. It was not cool. To create realistic-looking guts you just have to soak rope in a vat of fake blood. Ta-da. Now, I don't know how long they'd been using these guts, but we were told to "really go after them", so I did. On my first bite of rope guts I realize, "Hey, this thing is covered in dirt." I then realize that, "Hey, they've probably been using this rope for a lot of guts", then, "Hey, this dirt is from the floor of an ABANDONED PRISON and other zombies have been probably been putting these same ropes in their mouths for days." Gurf! After a lightning-quick wave of nausea hit me, I just started pressing the rope guts to my lips and shaking my head violently back and forth to simulate chowing down. It probably looked like I was shaking my head "No!" and it wouldn't have been far off.

Sadly, my day as a zombie came to a close not long after. The makeup folks did their best to get the gore off of me, but the rich, red residue was still sticking around. They assured me that shaving cream would get the rest of it off. "Yeah, right", I thought. I then drove home stuck to my seat enjoying the stares of other drivers on the 134. "Stop looking at me, I'm not an animal!"

At home, I couldn't get in the shower fast enough. I dove in and covered myself with shaving cream...and damned if it didn't get every last bit of fake blood off. Amazing!

All in all, it was a great time. The movie still airs on SciFi every now and again, it's an awesome IMDB credit, and I learned that the next time I'm covered in fake blood (and it will surely happen again) I always rely on a can of Barbasol to save the day.